Episode II (Rejected Due to Content) 
The Adventures of Transmission Man 
By Bob Alfano - Copyright © 1997 

Look, up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, No, it's "Transmission Man". Strange visitor from another planet with auto repair abilities far beyond that of mortal men. Who, disguised as a mild mannered mechanic striving for automotive excellence, fights a never ending battle to rid the world of incompetence and deception in the auto repair industry. 

Although vehicles with computer controlled transmissions have been around for some time now, until recently, many of them would return back to the dealership for repairs. As these vehicles exceed their factory warranties, small repair shops everywhere are being forced to deal with electronic problems beyond their wildest dreams. In fact, without a scan tool, and the proper training to operate it, many one time talented technicians have chosen to sell their tools and pursue a career in the fast food industry. Would you like fries with that? 

If I had a nickel for every electronic transmission problem that wasn't discovered until after the rebuilt trans "came back" a week later, well let's just say I'd have a lot of nickels. In the old days, certain problems would be associated with a particular symptom. For example, a few years back, I can recall a Chevy Caprice that came into my shop with intermittent high gear starts. Naturally, I was thinking of a stuck governor. A heavy car like that starting out in 3rd gear would surely damage the clutches, so the black dust in the pan came as no surprise. I called up the local Police Chief, and told him the trans in his cruiser would have to be rebuilt. Once the trans was out and on the bench, my rebuilder informed me that this was not a typical 700. This was my first introduction to a 4L60E. As you might imagine, a few days later, I learned a rather valuable lesson. If I had taken the time to blow the dust off my scan tool, and check for codes, I might have actually made a profit on that job. Too bad "Transmission Man" wasn't around back then. He would have known it was a bad solenoid right from the start. 

As time went on, I began to get better at diagnosing electronics, but without help from my "Cosmic Connection", I'd probably be hip high in hamburgers and Happy Meals by now. Whenever I encountered a problem I couldn't handle, I'd just fire up the old "Tranny Beam", and sooner than you could say "Holy Hydramatic" there he'd be. An undeniable "Diagnostic Daredevil". Faster than a speeding Sable. More powerful than a Lincoln Town Car. Able to solve intermittent drivability problems with a single scan. For Transmission Man, there was no problem too tough. Or was there? 

Just about every make and model of computer controlled transmission has exhibited an unusual shift pattern caused by faulty shift solenoids from time to time, but luckily for me, Transmission Man taught me how to use my scan tool to pinpoint the problem parameters posthaste. The news traveled fast, unable to solve certain electronic shift problems on the 4L80E, repair shops everywhere began to send the vehicles to me. Business was booming,, there were Suburbans and Pick-ups lined up as far as the eye could see. And they all seemed to have the same complaint. No power off the line, after the first shift it would be fine, then it would slip like crazy when it attempted to shift to third. I grabbed my trusty Scan Tool and went to work. Naturally, the first thing I did was check for codes. Sure enough, there it was. Solenoid B stuck On. That seemed simple enough, why couldn't the other repair shop take care of that ? Surely they were capable of changing a solenoid. I Glanced down at the keys dangleing from the ignition, and noticed there was a business card attached. The card said "Oldest and Largest Transmission Rebuilders" in the state. Before I went any further, I deceided to give them a call. I dialed the number and was imediatly placed on hold. While I waited, I was entertained by a Dentist Chair version of Muskrat Love by the Captain and Tenille, between verses, the Captain would comfort me by saying "Please hold the line, someone will be right with you". Thank God ! If I heard one more chorus of that song it would have been embedded in my mind for the rest of the day. I shuddered at the thought. Wouldn't you ? Perhaps I shouldn't say that, Hey, some people like Head Cheese and Blood Sausage. To each their own. 

When they finally picked up, I told the technition that I came up with a trouble code, and I suggested replacing the solenoids. He said they put new solenoids in the trans when they rebuilt it, and when it didn't work, they put a second set of solenoids in. "And you still came up with a solenoid code ?" I asked. He paused for a moment, then explained that they don't actually have a Scan Tool. "What ?" I said, not sure that I heard him correctly. "How did you know to change the solenoids ?" "Well", he responded, "we don't have a scan tool, but we took it to a freind of ours, and he scanned it for us". "He said it was bad solenoids, so we changed them, again, but it still didn't work". Obviously, there was a little more to this problem than meets the eye, so I told him I would check into it and get back to him. 

I road tested the truck again with the scan tool connected, and as the trans went through it's strange shift pattern, I captured the sensor data in a movie. This was a tricky one all right. The loss of power off the line felt like a high gear start, yet the "Current Gear" parameter indicated the trans was starting out in first gear, then shifting to 2nd, 3rd and 4th like normal. The ECM was commanding the shift solenoids on and off in the proper sequence. What could it be ? This was no ordinary electronic transmission problem. No, this was a job for ............... "Transmission Man". 

The answer lies in the "Gear Ratio" Parameter. Gear Ratio is a calculated parameter based on input and output sensor readings. A normal Gear Ratio pattern through the gears would be 2.48 in 1st, 1.48 in 2nd, 1.00 in 3rd, and then 0.75 in 4th. The pattern exhibited by the problem vehicles was 1.00, 1.48, 2.48, then 0.75. When the trans was supposed to be in 1st gear, the actual gear ratio indicated 1.00, or 3rd gear. That would explain the loss of power off the line. After the first shift, gear ratio went to 1.48, or 2nd gear, so it felt normal. But when you got up to around 30 MPH and the trans attempted a 2-3 shift, the gear ratio went to 2.48, which is actually first gear. The resulting flare up in RPM's could easily be mistaken for a slipping clutch, but Transmission Man knew better. 

To Transmission Man it was obvious that the wires for the A solenoid, and the B solenoid had been switched. But by who? The technician from the shop that sent me this vehicle told me that he suspected bad solenoids, so he replaced them, twice, but the problem still persisted. As I hung up the phone, I wondered what type of replacement solenoids he used, but before I had a chance to pull the pan, Transmission Man reduced himself to the size of a check ball and dove down the fill tube to have a look for himself. As he emerged dripping with Dexron, he re-enlarged himself and shouted, "they're not O.E.M." !! While reversing the wires, Transmission Man recognized the strange markings on the after-market solenoids. They were manufactured by none other than the sinister "Simon D. Solenoid" himself. Designed to be "one size fits all", when properly installed, Simon's suspicious solenoids pose no potential problem. In fact, some say they work even better than O.E.M.. But since all the leads for the shift solenoid's circuits are surprisingly similar, its safe to say that several splices could surely be short of satisfactory. Simply stated, unless stopped in his steps, Simon's sinister scheme was certain to be successful. 

Will Transmission Man be able to correct the countless cases of corrupted connections ? Will his soggy sneakers ever be finally fluid free ? Find out in the next spine tingling episode of "The Adventures of Transmission Man".